your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
