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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
My brain says no but my pants say off.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
