I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize