I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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