Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
