my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
