She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
