When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
