the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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