OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
