your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
should my penis look like a turkey
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
