I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
