at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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