I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
