period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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