Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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