how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
