I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
