so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She even gives head with a lisp.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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