All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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