why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize