if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
