Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
