I need to stop coming to work sober
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize