I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
In America we eat man semen.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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