is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
