never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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