I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
