I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
