I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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