if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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