Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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