and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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