Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
