Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
