You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
