The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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