I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
