I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Thank you for not boning my boss.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
