how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
These tits shall not be calmed
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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