found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
