I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
