im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
