I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
