I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
