The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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