We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
