We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
