Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
