two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
