Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
