Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
