i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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