i just had sex bonerless
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
