i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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