Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize