Sry I called you an 8
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
