Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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