...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
