everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
