I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
