like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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