he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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