alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Alive.
So much puke
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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