Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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