He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
